After a long hard day of doing nothing but ‘window shopping’ I decided to embark on my long journey back home. Whilst being uncomfortably pressed against the train carriage I remembered that there was a slice of fresh cream cake in the fridge waiting for me. I licked my lips in anticipation and a few ‘mmhs’ and ‘ahhs’ slipped from my lips. Naturally I received a bunch of odd looks and a few glares from the other passengers because on the Tube in London one must not act odd and/or feral. Unfortunately I’m a bit of both you see…
Anyway, once I reached my destination I hopped off the Tube and I skipped back to my home eagerly. I unlocked the door hastily and I ran to my fridge (if only the cameras were recording me then- I broke the 100m record set by Usain Bolt). I yanked open the fridge and I scoured the shelves for my slice of cake- it was gone!
Naturally by being English I called 999-my old chum Sherlock will save me! However, a lady picked up and asked me what the emergency was-how peculiar, I didn’t know Sherlock had a receptionist. Anyhow I told her about my emergency, but she yelled at me telling me “pranks” aren’t funny and hanged up on me. How will I solve the mystery now? I then decided I should watch a bit of telly whilst I think things over.
As I walked into my living room, I saw two fat things sitting upon my cat (my poor cat was blue in the face) and eating my last slice of cake. I don’t know what they were as my vision was a bit hazy but they seemed like people but at the same time they seemed awfully odd. I decided they must have been Americans!
Just as I was about to snatch my cake away from their greedy mouths the door bell rang. I ran to the door and lo and behold the police had arrived! I thanked them for their prompt arrival in my hour of need, I took them to the living room and told them to send the Americans back to where they belonged-fat camp.
Next thing you know the police had arrested me.
Currently I am sitting in a small cell in prison, fortunately they have given me this piece of paper and a pen to occupy myself whilst the courts decide what the verdict is.
I guess you are wondering how on Earth did I get arrested and whether or not the Americans got sent to fat camp. Well, according to the police officers it is illegal to walk around the streets of London stark naked-I think the words they used was something along the lines of ‘indecent exposure’. They also told me pranking the police is illegal.
Now about those pesky cake stealing Americans-they didn’t exist, or so I was told. According to my lawyer it was not a bright idea taking magic mushrooms in the morning.
Hmmm, I thought these mushrooms I plucked from my back garden were supposedly healthy since they are what I called ‘organic’ as they were home grown after all…